| i'm resigning |
[20 Oct 2008|10:06pm] |
I'm definitely at my wit's end. certainly not any sort of thing from my short-lived so-called career, save perhaps my own version of internship hell, amounted to this feeling of “dead-endedness.” phys dys has always been an area of interest, but never my field of expertise. i would want to blame a series of misfortunes way back in my undergraduate years when i always end up doing fieldwork in private pediatric therapy clinics where only a teeny weeny percentage of the population goes to the physical dysfunctions section. i don't claim to be a master of psych and behavioral cases, but i can safely say i know a tiny bit of what to do when i see one. and reading up on cp and gdd intervention approaches is taking its toll and is making me all the more taste and breathe incompetence. good luck with that.
i badly, desperately, need to go to a bobath seminar. but on second thought, we have the bobath master under the same roof, so what the hell am i ranting about.
i'll always have this huge spot of doubt in my heart that i can ever live up to the name of a genuinely good, competent therapist. but having said that, i think no one here ever thought he or she is. everyone, once in a while, get a slip from their usually sensible, smart selves. and that puts us all on equal ground.
the truth is, i have a faint heart, quick to succumb to ill criticisms and blunt sarcasms. but having a God takes away all the moments of split-second tentativeness. He has a perfect time, plan, and occasion. I will always fall short of expectations in some stupid or grand way. what would make the difference is not what skills i have or don't have. Rather, it's the gift of a trusting, prayerful heart.. that I will gain, by God's grace, the faculty and the means to search for answers and do the part I'm entrusted to play.
difficult as it is for my novice, childish faith, i am letting go. i am resigning to the fact that the best therapist simply doesn't exist.. but a faithful, committed one can be made. i believe that's where i want to go.
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| feelin' better |
[13 Apr 2008|07:59pm] |
a while ago, i got the chance to bond with my churchmates and best buds, jamie and mike. our pancake house, dq, and elorde trips had been a lot of fun. i also met a bunch of cool people in gcf south metro. i observed kc in sunday school, which made me all the more excited to try teaching there myself. meeting new people who dedicate so much energy, time, and effort to the God we should all serve fueled my passion to have each breathing moment an act of worship.
i'm just starting to realize that albeit the burnout-ness (?) i'm burdened with and the concerns I have about not feeling good enough, I have every reason to celebrate. I am as blessed as everyone else who was promised salvation from the mundane burdens of the temporal world.
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."
how apt.
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| pigs |
[12 Apr 2008|03:44pm] |
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cheers to joemyl and his soon to be ateneo-law-student status! you made us really proud. :) he threw a mini-party at GB5. thanks joem! :)
if i had to think of a resto that offers the best pasta in town, i gotta say CIBO. bakit ganon, kamatis lang ang sarap na. i would have to bring the gang there (baby em, ate undin, mama, auntie ging, nanay and bajok), sometime when i have lots of moolah to spare.
and yes, i shed 10 pounds in a month of kicking and thrashing. wee. :)
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| random thoughts |
[27 Mar 2008|11:01pm] |
| [ |
music |
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take you there |
] |
multiply is taking forever to open.
there's work. again. tomorrow.
the TRUTH, before it sets you free, will make you miserable.
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| moved to tears |
[20 Mar 2008|10:03pm] |
this is one of sting's best written songs, with an insanely good melody to boot. you don't want to sing this song, you want to shout it out. nice nice nice. sting's a genius.
Under the dog star sail
Over the reefs of moonshine
Under the skies of fall
North north west the stones of Faroe
Under the Arctic fire
Over the seas of silence
Hauling on frozen ropes
For all my days remaining
But would north be true?
All colours bleed to red
Asleep on the ocean's bed
Drifting in empty seas
For all my days remaining
But would north be true?
Why should I?
Why should I cry for you?
Dark angels follow me
Over a godless sea
Mountains of endless falling,
For all my days remaining,
What would be true?
Sometimes I see your face,
The stars seem to lose their place
Why must I think of you?
Why must I?
Why should I?
Why should I cry for you?
Why would you want me to?
And what would it mean to say,
That, "I loved you in my fashion"?
What would be true?
Why should I?
Why should I cry for you?
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| two pounds heavier |
[20 Mar 2008|01:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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long and winding road |
] |
i haven't gone to the gym in ages. my gears are rusting. i've probably gained a couple of pounds with all the baby back ribs and pasta i had to eat during our night outs after work. but maybe i could actually live with that, as the company of my colleagues (pat, kat, and kat) has its way of wiping clean a day's worth of stress. it's funny that my favorite persons in the world happen to have three-letter names that end with -at. (?) hmmm.
now that i got a hold of this wonder of a device (thanks to ma'am winni's generosity and metrobank credit card), pending evals would be a thing of the past. and yes, i can get my virtual-context-life back! weeee! it's a nice piece, though i'm not sure how long i can put up with the linux os. but the painful reality of havin a tight budget doesn't leave much room for choices. i'm sold the first time i laid my eyes on the price tag.
not that i have millions to spend, but i'm starting to realize that shopping's so much fun. i also found the good-but-could-be-better shopping buddy... PAT! your whining and temporary limp, thanks to your giant shoulder bag, spoiled our starbucks plan. down with the shoulder bag craze! screw your bag! backpacks rule!!!
shang's heaven.
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| . |
[18 Mar 2008|12:29am] |
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mood |
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 busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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landslide - fleetwood mack |
] |
matters of the heart aren't always analogous to romantic relationships. so when a friend suddenly questions a harmless shoutout about my "winter of the heart" meeting its end, I would want to make it clear that I just may be that type of person who would actually be deeply involved in enriching her spiritual life... that I am as eager to have a genuine relationship with my Creator as to find a breathing, sensible, funny, God-fearing man who's not homo or bi.
Anyhow, Teacher Mac is right. In this therapy world (which is just a tad bit therapeutic), we don't get to meet a lot of new guys. So the repertoire of guy friends I have since I was 1 day old, sadly, may just be about it. So I am thinking, will that person be an ex-high school mate? Or a pre-school friend?
Not that I'm begging to have a love now. Thinking about this is just .. interesting. Just a way to get my mind off tons of pending evals.
So while I am waiting for that person, please, God, let him be a Christian.
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| a fantastic way to amuse myself |
[10 Jan 2008|05:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 chipper |
] |
126 pounds. five laps. i am barely alive, feeling dizzy with exhaustion while you, with your firm and sure steps and strongly contracting gastrocnemius, just had to, unconsciously, rub it in that you are so strong and perfect while i lag behind being the weakling that i am.
so why are we running side by side that oval, barely talking, heads bowed low, racking our brains of the next sensible thing to say, trying not to stop the conversation cold with a rhetorical question?
fat lot of good this is to me, jumping to conclusions and verbalizing bizarre observations. i'll drop the scary hypothesis while there's still some ambiguity in the air.
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| pissed to the point of tears |
[16 Dec 2007|07:34pm] |
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yup, you're right. i'm having a suuuuuuuuuper nice afternoon. and you just had to be the drama queen that you are and ruin my almost perfect day.
but you are not the only person in this planet with issues. my suggestion? curl up in your bed, binge, cry, do whatever.
just please stop bugging me.
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| gotcha |
[27 Oct 2007|08:36pm] |
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i got my first, real pf. weeeee. it's a good feeling to watch your wallet go anorexic and not feel guilty about it. hey, i earned it. i worked for it. and yes, my first pay slip ever says I am allowed to spend most of it because for the next couple of decades, I'd be too busy saving for my future and my inevitable retirement to actually think about spending on a pricey but cute shirt. i can do it now because now is all I'd ever have for that kind of luxury.
i'd be spending it on real nice stuff. like boxing gloves and hand wraps.
let's get it on.
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| ratatouille |
[11 Oct 2007|04:38pm] |
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i wanna be a chef. so i'm scouting for a culinary arts school that would hone what little kitchen skills i have. and that school's tuition fee should fall within the budget i allotted, which is not too much. yes, we should all live within our means.
too bad i wasn't born rich.
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| lost it |
[28 Sep 2007|09:13pm] |
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music |
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somewhere over the rainbow |
] |
i lost my phone. in the chaotic urban place called alabang. i'm hoping to have a new sim in a week's time. i'm still keeping my number.
but the numbers in my phonebook. and yeah, some of 'em messages in my inbox. boohoo.
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| pleasant chaos |
[19 Sep 2007|11:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
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band on the run |
] |
I am happy to have chanced upon you.
You are insightful. mature. sensible. oftentimes funny.
all the things i need to wear a smile for practically the whole day.
sometimes,
you think you've just delivered the funniest joke ever even if half of the people in the room thinks it's a lame one.
but that's a good thing. because you just don't care.
i think the world needs more people like you. those who won't always give a damn.
so maybe we are eons apart
but i still think we hit it off well.
the attention that you give to the small details of my existence brings me
to embarrassed smiles.
you don't make an effort to be cute. to be noticed. you can sit quietly in a corner
and play the supporting role.
and it pains me
when you just don't notice that your littlest gestures are smooth. faultless. grand.
that you've still got no clue at how much i celebrate you.
that for at least one real person in this planet, you play the lead.
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| VERY GOODbye |
[19 Sep 2007|10:41pm] |
| [ |
music |
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live and let die |
] |
One day I woke up realizing I could do without the people I used to have. And it is a liberating thought that I can smile, and dance, and do whatever stupid thing that comes to mind without the image of that person pressing in on me like the air I breathe. It’s not that I regret spending so much time and effort into trying to make things work. It’s more of asserting who is choosing the better life. So if it’s not you who’s getting it, it’s moi. So, goodbye for good. Be happy and, well, uhm.. gay.
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| ora et labora |
[03 Aug 2007|12:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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chipper |
] |
a month ago, i was feeling devastated. i was tired, pressured, lost.
thank you for the people who helped me, in one way or another, find myself again.
jeremaine prieto if there was one person who believed in us more than we believed in ourselves, he's the one. i won't go on to reveal every single thing he's done for us. i simply am very well pleased i got him both as a mentor and as a dear friend.
eric hernandez yup, you flooded our friendster accounts with your crystal ball and countdown messages. but during that fateful night, you were with us when we heard of the good news. we really are very grateful.
christine cabreros our adopted housemate. your styro replica of cookie served its purpose well. and your ouija dolls. hehe. thank you for the moral support, tin. it helped a whole lot. :)
grace serrano you proved once more how smart you really are. we are honored to have shared our study table with you.
frederico platon my perennial SRG seatmate. thank you for the trust. i sure will miss your lies. and the truths you dared to share. i'll miss you sorely.
karina ignacio ang kulit kulit kulit mo. but we love you still. thank you for the food, dessert, ride. thank you for putting up with my moods. i'll miss you sorely.
vanessa tan "bygones! what the hell is that?" the ultimate kabugera that you are, our study nights were never dull. the chikahans until 3 am .. well, we have our favorite pulutan. *wink* i'll miss you sorely.
ayeth torres my soul sister. it's just sad that you weren't there with us when we first knew we passed, but believe me, we were thinking about you, too. i had so much fun memories with you that words won't even be enough. i'll miss you sorely.
chickie flores thank you for your prayers, for all the times you helped me feel good about myself. you always made me feel appreciated, and that meant a lot. thank you. i am praying for you, too.
cookie the dachsund hi cookie. miss ka na namin. the most malambing dog in the entire alejos strip. kung ibebenta ka nga raw ng 1 kiao, bibilhin ka na ng mami ni kari. hay. sana may magpakain parin sayo. kahit mabantot ka, mahal ka namin.
to all those who texted, who rejoiced with us and prayed with and for us.. our warmest thanks.
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| oh brother |
[27 Jun 2007|06:43pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
i wore green today. i'm making it official. coco's my half brother. i have barely three weeks to prepare for the boards. i'm going nuts.
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| pe-birthday jitters |
[18 Jun 2007|08:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crazy |
] |
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music |
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fastball - out of my head |
] |
yup, i'm turning 21. birthdays are good but they also make you realize how much time you have left to do the things you'd like to do. this is me looking at a glass half empty.
this is not exactly a perfect picture of a happy birthday celebrator. enduring 6-hour lectures of the nitty-gritty details of your anatomy and kinesiology. being starved to death. feeling nervous and pressured about the upcoming board exams. feeling sorely disappointed about the people you care much about. and yes, ranting in front of a stinky pc unit in a forlorn computer shop.
maybe it's time to look at a glass half full. no more ranting. what a drama queen. yuckiness.
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| random |
[27 May 2007|11:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crappy |
] |
i just came home from tagaytay. it was fun.
i'm moving out. how about that for feeling twenty-something. i'm going to miss my lakbay-tas trans every single school day. i'm going to miss our house. and everything, everyone in it. and i miss the people i used to have that i don't have right now. i can be happy, true. but i need time to finally get over things.
when will i finally get over the things that have no more place in my life? even if it hurts like hell?
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| south trip |
[19 May 2007|10:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 full |
] |
| [ |
music |
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akon - don't matter |
] |
characters: kari, van, dwite, sir eric, sir jerry
setting: down south this day is like one of the craziest in my young life so far. we had a blast with, again, my two most favorite mentors in the world. we were together for practically the whole day and we were just having one hell of a good time. oh and did
i mention that they, too, were the most sensible men i've met so far? there. we watched shrek 3, ate much popcorn, took pictures of ourselves, goofed around, toured around the south, starbucksed ourselves, talked till the wee hours, ate our heavenly cup noodles and lays and doritos, went swimming till i got the cramps, pigged out. fun. something got in the way, though. allergies suck. what i love about this whole thing is that i realized that i somehow still make sense. that amidst all the stupid, irrational, impulsive things i've done, i managed to keep my head on. that i still, am, a thinking person. that although i get sidetracked once in a while by overwhelming emotions and wistful thoughts, i still know what i need and want to do. that's just great. bloody great. sir eric, sir jerry, you both always make us see the other side of things.. that side we may have not thought existed. you always give us something to think about, and we'd end up smiling at the end of the day because what you say made perfect sense. i am fervently hoping that we'd get a round two. right now i'm thinking that i should surround myself with fun people
to stay stress-free and hopeful. and yeah, fun people don't necessarily have to be young people. :)
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